Life is a journey.

I should have made this post a long time ago.

You know how they say you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink?

This has been my experience embracing the law of attraction.

I had been exposed to it multiple times. I just think I must not have been ready.

I worked for a woman who, despite the amazing amount of information she shared with us, was just poisonous in her delivery. The information she shared was great: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra, Beyond Fear by don Miguel Ruiz. But something about her just turned me off. Of course, I'll explain more about this later...

I didn't think I deserved happiness. So much bad had happen up until that point that I was comfortable in my misery. When you feel a certain way inside, you want your outside experiences to reflect that, you want it to make sense. You want a reason to feel the way you do.

Let's take a step back...

I was depressed. I was in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for years. By the end, he became very adept at fixing drywall from all the holes he punched and things he threw in anger at me. I was in that relationship, I let it happen to me because it gave me a reason to feel how I was feeling. It gave me a reason not to have to look deeper, not to have to deal with myself and my issues. It was easier to blame my misery on someone else.

It wasn't until I went on a vacation with my step-mom and brothers to Mexico that I finally had a change of heart. With out him there, I finally started to see that I was miserable all by myself. I was in a beautiful, colorful place and I couldn't snap out of my bad mood. And I didn't miss him at all while I was there. The week sailed by, and eventually I had to return home and face the situation head on.

I called my mom immediately when I arrived home, and tearfully I told her I needed help. I moved out quickly back into her home. There were a few incidents where it looked like I might fall back into my old patterns and take him back. But I got a counselor, and started taking anti-depressants.

I moved 600 miles away on a whim shortly after, and ended up finding a new home. The people I've met since I moved here have shaped my life. Quickly I saw that pharmaceuticals were not going to give me what I wanted. Being numb wasn't really better than being sad. I needed to accept all the negative things that had happened to me, feel them, and then forgive myself and others and move on.

That last part, the forgiveness, is something I've struggled with for a long time. I finally really can see that there is positive in every situation, even bad situations. I had said that for years, but I finally actually believe it.

And there absolutely have been ups and downs since I moved away. My life didn't instantly become better upon my arrival. In fact, things sort of hit the fan. There was a stretch of time where nothing panned out for me. Regardless of how I got where I am today, those hurdles on the track of life we all have to overcome, I am so happy and grateful now that I'm here.